Friday, September 29, 2006

Lulu laughs with Uncyclopedia

the guys behind these must be genius-es.

briliant and funny!

Essentially a tiny peninsular found to the north of their slightly less anal cousins who live on an even smaller island Singkaypoh, Malaysia is a young nation of diverse cultures and races such as Formula-1. Moving foward with a vision as a collective community towards the vision of becoming a developed nation by the year 2020, 4040, 5050 or whatever catchy number.

Malaysia was once known as Malaya but the additional letters 'si' were added between y and a. The word si, in cantonese(sei)/hokkien/teochew/hakka, means die. So basically, Malay-si-a means Malays Die Ah?

It is made up of 13 states namely Selangor, Kedah, Terengganu, Kelantan, Pahang, Penang, Johor (just north of Singkaypoh), Sabah, Sarawak(which reluctantly joined MALAYSIA as a state), Perlis, Malacca, Perak and Negeri Sembilan. The three federal territories Kuala Lumpur, Putrajaya and Labuan don't count as states since they're too small anyway, like Taiwan. Another common state that Malaysians have is denial (aka. no lah, where got?), which incidentally, is a river in Egypt.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Lulu joins pantun-ing Jeff Ooi

this is one of my favourites.
i don't know who the original author is, so, if you do know who wrote it, drop me a line. thanks

Di mana boleh cari ramai Melayu?
Pastinya di Kelantan dan Trengganu
Dan juga di pasar malam dan pasar minggu
Di Akademi Fantasia dan Pesta Lagu
Di Jom Heboh orang Melayu berpusu-pusu
Di Sungai Buloh dan sebelum ini di Pudu
Dan di jalan, lumba haram tak buka lampu
Dan di selekoh duit rasuah depa sapu
Di pusat serenti akibat ketagih dadah dan candu
Di malam kemerdekaan dan malam tahun baru
Terkinja-kinja best giler menari macam hantu

Apa hobi orang Melayu
Terkenal dengan budaya malas dan lesu
Berlepak buang masa tak jemu-jemu
Atau baca majalah Mastika cerita hantu
Tengok telenovela dari Filipina dan Peru
Sambil makan junk food kacang dan muruku
Mana tak gendut berpenyakit selalu
Kalau nak berlagak melayu nombor satu
Asal bergaya sanggup makan nasi dan toyu

Boleh tak jumpa mereka di kedai buku
Atau di perpustakaan dan majlis ilmu
Atau ambil kelas kemahiran di hujung minggu
Ada tapi kurang sangat ke situ
Kenapa Melayu jadi begitu
Nak salahkan sapa ibubapa atau guru
Pemimpin negara atau raja dulu-dulu
Ayat lazim di mulut ialah malas selalu
Nak harap kerajaan saja bantu
Terutama sekali kontraktor kelas satu
Tak habis-habis gaduh nak jatuh sapa dulu
Dan suka sangat dengan budaya mengampu

Sampai bila kita nak tunggu
Bangsa Melayu jadi bangsa termaju
Boleh, dengan beberapa syarat tertentu
Pertama dengan banyak menguasai ilmu
Kata nabi ikutlah al Quran dan sunnah ku
AlQuran yang diturunkan 1400 tahun dulu
tapi apakah yang kita tahu,cuma baca nak halau hantu

Monday, September 25, 2006

Lulu looks at Our Founding Fathers

YM Tunku Abd.Rahman: Bapa Kemerdekaan
Tun Abd.Razak: Bapa Pembangunan

Tun Hussein Onn: Bapa Perpaduan

Tun Dr. Mahathir: Bapa Pemodenan

Dato' Seri Abdullah Badawi: Bapa Mertua

Monday, September 18, 2006

Lulu Laughs - PM: I'm in control

are you sure?

your son-in-law stirs dissent in Penang. PM tells them all to shut up, but they go on and on and on...

and it's contagious.

Then Kepong Umno division wants the MCA to contest the Kepong parliamentary seat now held by the DAP in the next general election.
so noble???
nah.. it's in exchange for Bdr Tun Razak.

the math of it?
Umno +1 @ Bdr Tun Razak
MCA -1 @ Bdr Tun Razak, +1 @ Kepong, sum 0
Gerakan -1 @ Kepong

you think you're in control?

this is only one of the many signs you're out of control.

wanna try another one?
how about former stateman unable to secure enough votes to be a delegate in the next perhimpunan umno?
we're talking about an man who was PM for 22 years, can't even secure enough support from his home-branch to be top 7? from a branch which he has been a part of for almost all his life?

man... if you're in control, that's even more frightening.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Lulu Spots Something Illegal

PENANG: Three hundred bikers, denouncing illegal racing, rode in a convoy from Bayan Baru to the Esplanade here to deliver a note to the state: “Give us a real racing track.”

can you see what's wrong with this photo?

illegal assembly?

yup that too.

the self proclaimed hero tak pakai helmet-lah!!!!!!!!

kinda reminds me of my 1st post

but we all know, these guys are flavour of the month. so, for now, no one's going to touch them.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

lulu Act of Trust - Program Ekspedisi Mat Rempit

HMetro and Putera calls it an "Usaha Murni", but we know what it's all about. Trying to be popular and winning their trust and respect in exchange for your votes in the next election.

Well, Lulu thinks it's pathetic how they show trust and respect for their Mat Cemerlangs.

Forget about the sex and booze. read about their security measures.

to quote Pengerusi Putera Umno, Datuk Abdul Azeez Abdul Rahim

Katanya, peserta terbabit dijaga secara ketat dengan bantuan lebih 100 anggota Rela dan polis yang bertugas secara bergilir-gilir.“Malah, untuk keluar masuk dari kawasan perkhemahan di Teluk Batik juga diberi kawalan ketat apabila kita mengadakan tiga sekatan jalan atau pusat pemeriksaan keselamatan oleh anggota polis trafik,” katanya ketika dihubungi, semalam.

I would be mightily offended if I was one of their "guest", being herded by the thousands, to camp by the beach which is patrolled and has the in-out access is controlled by a roadblock.

This is definetly not a good way to run your Projek Bazir Wang Negara aka Projek Rekrut Lebih Pengundi Kami aka Projek Mat Cemerlang .

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

PM says No Racial Bias, but lulu there Says It Is An Unwritten Rule

Have you heard of the SME Bank?
In Malay, it's called Bank Perusahaan Kecil & Sederhana Malaysia Berhad. It was formerly known as Bank Industri & Teknologi Malaysia Berhad.
The SME Bank started its new function on October 3, 2005 as a development financial institution to nurture and meet the unique needs of small and medium enterprises (SMEs). It launched last year with a RM2bil allocation for loan disbursement to SMEs.
Since the start of the year, it has approved more than RM400mil in loans to SMEs.

On Sunday, 27th August, Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi ordered the SME Bank to issue loans to people running small and medium enterprises (SMEs) without any racial bias. The Prime Minister said he had heard complaints that the bank did not want to give loans to non-Malay SMEs. The bank, he pointed out, belonged to all Malaysians and its duty was to give loans to entrepreneurs without taking into account their race.

Today's Star did a feature on some traders who faced problems taking the loan.
R. Mageswari, 43, who wanted to apply for a RM50,000 loan to expand her dry food and spices business was shocked when the SME Bank in Tampoi, near here, imposed all sorts of conditions. “I liquidated my business and brought in a bumiputra partner with a 51% ownership. But the bank now wants a collateral or fixed deposit,” she said, adding that within this week she had been to the bank three times to sort out the issue.

The best part is
However, an SME Bank spokesman said the bank did not discriminate between bumiputras and non-bumiputras but said the 51% bumiputra ownership requirement was an unwritten rule

Isn't that an oxymoron statement?
Mr Spokesman, read your statement again. To put it nicely, we could call it an affirmative action. Normal term for it would be discrimination.

what is this about enforcing an unwritten rule?
what is with this nation and her unwritten rules?
who made these rules?
what is the rationale behind this?
why are government officers enforcing unwritten rules?
This poor lady went through so much trouble and heartache over some officers whims and fancy.
I do wish that they'd take action on these little napoleon, but in this "morally wrong, technically right" nation, I'm not expecting much.